This mom thing is so much more than I bargained for. As much as I try to do the right things for my kids, I know I fall short. I desperately long to be all they deserve to have in a mom. Still, I find myself discouraged, overwhelmed and angry that this is so hard. It is so, so hard!!! Organization and consistency are not my forte. I am being brutally honest here. Unfortunately, this has rubbed off on all 4 of my kids. They are suffering because of my shortcomings. So not fair!
Even so, in the midst of struggle, I know, just as I live and breathe, that this season will make all of us better people. My kids see that this is every bit as difficult for me as it is for them. And although this pales in comparison, Christ could have quit on us. Up on that cross, He could have stopped the plan of salvation, grace and mercy. But he did not. He endured all our pain and suffering.
In a way, I feel like I am carrying all of this sturggle that my family is going through. Not that they are not suffering too, but I feel all their pain as well. I could quit, and they would follow suit. But then nothing would change. In fact, things would most certainly get worse. By not quitting, like Christ, I am saying, "I am with you all the way, no matter what". You can say you quit, or that you hate me, or this is too hard or you can't do it. When the fact is those things are not true. I am here and I have got your back. Even when it feels like I am your worst enemy, the truth is I couldn't love you more.
And know this as well: I would not be capable of this love if Christ had not first love me. I would not know how to fight for you, if He had not fought for me. He loves you and fights for you, my sweet babies, and always will.
Father God,
I am your humble servant. Somehow You saw fit to entrust these four precious beings into my care. I can never be all they deserve, Father. So I am on my knees, seeking Your face. Please God, smooth over my rough exterior, reveal my tender heart and make whole this inadequate woman Baleigh, Dottie, Lee and Jodhi call Mom. Show them Your love, show them my love. And may they rest in knowing we will never give up on them.
In Jesus Name, Amen
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Thursday, October 27, 2011
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Worship Without Ceasing
It seems I have experienced a 2 month writing block. However, as we all know, trials provoke inspiration.
Recently, I have experienced a new kind of anxiety. While I continue to quote scripture both in my head and out loud, proclaiming the promises I know to be true, I also go from simply being edgy to crying at the drop of a hat. Crying out to God in prayer always helps. And grabbing the book of truth and reading promises such as "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Php 4:6-7, word for word is comforting.
However, the thing that has calmed my spirit the most these days is not any of the things I listed above. What has eased my anxieties and given me hope during a time of legitimate fear, has been worship music. It comes over me like a wave of comfort and I fall into the arms of Jesus. Songs that don't even speak of His comfort or protection still give me peace. Because no matter what the specific subject of the song is, I am always reminded that nothing is greater than my God. He loves me no matter what, and I should praise him in times of trouble, times of victory and all times in between. Worship without ceasing.
Music is my favorite form of worship. Everyone has their own preference. One person told me this week, they like reading. Whatever works for you. Music is easy, because you can listen while you drive, clean, work, blog, etc. I would like to challenge you to listen to praise and worship music regularly. Even if music is not your first choice of worship. It will have a powerful impact on your life.
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort." 2 Cor 1:3-7
Recently, I have experienced a new kind of anxiety. While I continue to quote scripture both in my head and out loud, proclaiming the promises I know to be true, I also go from simply being edgy to crying at the drop of a hat. Crying out to God in prayer always helps. And grabbing the book of truth and reading promises such as "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Php 4:6-7, word for word is comforting.
However, the thing that has calmed my spirit the most these days is not any of the things I listed above. What has eased my anxieties and given me hope during a time of legitimate fear, has been worship music. It comes over me like a wave of comfort and I fall into the arms of Jesus. Songs that don't even speak of His comfort or protection still give me peace. Because no matter what the specific subject of the song is, I am always reminded that nothing is greater than my God. He loves me no matter what, and I should praise him in times of trouble, times of victory and all times in between. Worship without ceasing.
Music is my favorite form of worship. Everyone has their own preference. One person told me this week, they like reading. Whatever works for you. Music is easy, because you can listen while you drive, clean, work, blog, etc. I would like to challenge you to listen to praise and worship music regularly. Even if music is not your first choice of worship. It will have a powerful impact on your life.
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort." 2 Cor 1:3-7
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Before The Morning
Birds are chirping
It's early morn
My coffee is waiting
Steamy and warm
Alone in the kitchen
We sit there we two
Jesus says lovingly
"Tell me, what's new?
How are things going?
What do you need?
A hug? A kiss?
A shoulder to lean?"
He knows my burden
He knows my worry
There's so much to do
I'm always in a hurry
"Be quiet, be still"
He whispers so clearly
I feel His presence
I love Him so dearly
"Give your burdens to me
Do not stress or worry"
So I lay it all down
Before little feet start to scurry
It's early morn
My coffee is waiting
Steamy and warm
Alone in the kitchen
We sit there we two
Jesus says lovingly
"Tell me, what's new?
How are things going?
What do you need?
A hug? A kiss?
A shoulder to lean?"
He knows my burden
He knows my worry
There's so much to do
I'm always in a hurry
"Be quiet, be still"
He whispers so clearly
I feel His presence
I love Him so dearly
"Give your burdens to me
Do not stress or worry"
So I lay it all down
Before little feet start to scurry
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Follow up to teaching from Saturday
This morning while I was in the shower something occurred to me. What is the difference between getting up at 7am to get the kids to school on time or to get to work on time, and getting up at 6:30 for a little devotion before getting ready for work and/or school? I mean besides the 1/2 hr of sleep. We won't be late for anything if we miss our devotional time. There aren't any immediate tangible consequences. If you don't pay the cable bill, you can't watch the Red Wings tonight. If you don't pay the water bill, no shower for you. But if you don't read your bible and pray, there are no concrete ramifications. I believe this is why it can be such a challenge for us at times.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
When Satan Attacks - Pt 1
Satan is a manipulator and an opportunist, and that's just the tip of the iceberg. So, for the next several weeks, I am going to share about times when we are most likely to fall victim to Satan's dastardly tactics and what we can do about it.
Number 1 on my personal list is exhaustion. When I am physically and/or emotionally spent, I am not myself. No one is. People tend to react to situations emotionally, irrationally and perhaps do not choose words very wisely. Both relationships and responsibilities suffer.
Let's take a look at Elijah in 1Kings 19:1-3. He had just defeated 450 men in the name of God! How amazing that must have been! And yet, the very next day he is afraid, discouraged and even wanted to die. But God came to Elijah and basically said, you need a break. Get some food and get some rest. How simple is that? Sleep and nourishment. Good for the body AND the soul.
So, the next time you find yourself out of sorts, overreacting, emotional, short tempered,etc., consider how drained you are. Is Satan taking advantage of your "weakened" state and giving you an excuse to behave poorly? Sometimes it's ok to take a break.
Number 1 on my personal list is exhaustion. When I am physically and/or emotionally spent, I am not myself. No one is. People tend to react to situations emotionally, irrationally and perhaps do not choose words very wisely. Both relationships and responsibilities suffer.
Let's take a look at Elijah in 1Kings 19:1-3. He had just defeated 450 men in the name of God! How amazing that must have been! And yet, the very next day he is afraid, discouraged and even wanted to die. But God came to Elijah and basically said, you need a break. Get some food and get some rest. How simple is that? Sleep and nourishment. Good for the body AND the soul.
So, the next time you find yourself out of sorts, overreacting, emotional, short tempered,etc., consider how drained you are. Is Satan taking advantage of your "weakened" state and giving you an excuse to behave poorly? Sometimes it's ok to take a break.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
A Word Aptly Spoken
We all have household chores that we dislike. Once upon a time, there was a chore that I despised. I would avoid it for way too long and dread every minute of attacking the task. More important than what chore it was that I hated so much, is WHY I hated it.
You see, my husband developed a habit long before we ever met. This habit, I kid you not, turned a 2 minute job into a 30 minute job. I tried telling him this many times throughout our marriage. Or so I thought.
On one particular day, I decided to suck it up. My duty had been neglected long enough. It was once again time to tackle my most dreaded chore. As I worked away, I found myself getting more and more angry. While telling off my husband and ranting away in my mind, God interrupted my thoughts. "Why don't you tell him how hard this is?" I respond, "I have told him tons of times and nothing has changed!" Then God says, "Have you talked with him or complained to him?" Hmmmm. So I say, "Fair enough. But I need you to give me the words to communicate this to him in a way that he won't feel attacked and he will understand my perspective." The next thing I know, Mark is right there next to me. He came to see how I was doing because it seemed like it was taking a long time. It's true! You know what happened next? God gave me the words. Now my most dreaded, despised household chore is no big deal!
We all have relationships that suffer with communication problems from time to time. Proverbs 25:11 says, "A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in setting of silver". The thing is, not everyone communicates that same way. You may think you made your point crystal clear, only to find the other person didn't get a word you said. I encourage you to ask God to give you the words to communicate effectively, graciously and in love. Especially in relationships that lack in this area.
You see, my husband developed a habit long before we ever met. This habit, I kid you not, turned a 2 minute job into a 30 minute job. I tried telling him this many times throughout our marriage. Or so I thought.
On one particular day, I decided to suck it up. My duty had been neglected long enough. It was once again time to tackle my most dreaded chore. As I worked away, I found myself getting more and more angry. While telling off my husband and ranting away in my mind, God interrupted my thoughts. "Why don't you tell him how hard this is?" I respond, "I have told him tons of times and nothing has changed!" Then God says, "Have you talked with him or complained to him?" Hmmmm. So I say, "Fair enough. But I need you to give me the words to communicate this to him in a way that he won't feel attacked and he will understand my perspective." The next thing I know, Mark is right there next to me. He came to see how I was doing because it seemed like it was taking a long time. It's true! You know what happened next? God gave me the words. Now my most dreaded, despised household chore is no big deal!
We all have relationships that suffer with communication problems from time to time. Proverbs 25:11 says, "A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in setting of silver". The thing is, not everyone communicates that same way. You may think you made your point crystal clear, only to find the other person didn't get a word you said. I encourage you to ask God to give you the words to communicate effectively, graciously and in love. Especially in relationships that lack in this area.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Out Of My Comfort Zone
Dear Lord, I know you gave me this gift for a reason. So whatever You have in mind, I am ready. Amen
Have you ever prayed something along these lines? You think you are ready, then God asks you to step out of your comfort zone into an unfamiliar place. Your response to this calling may be something like, "Lord, I think you misunderstood what I meant....". In our hearts we want to follow God's leading, to obey his prompting. Often in the midst of all of this we feel ill-equipped and overwhelmed by the task our Father has set before us. The key to stepping up to an extraordinary challenge is to worship God. Remember His power, strength and wisdom. All these things He makes available to us. Consider Philippians 1:6 "being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." If God has called us, he WILL equip us.
Have you ever prayed something along these lines? You think you are ready, then God asks you to step out of your comfort zone into an unfamiliar place. Your response to this calling may be something like, "Lord, I think you misunderstood what I meant....". In our hearts we want to follow God's leading, to obey his prompting. Often in the midst of all of this we feel ill-equipped and overwhelmed by the task our Father has set before us. The key to stepping up to an extraordinary challenge is to worship God. Remember His power, strength and wisdom. All these things He makes available to us. Consider Philippians 1:6 "being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." If God has called us, he WILL equip us.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
A Thank You To My Parents
For all those times
I caused you to worry
I made you late
Because I wouldn't hurry
For the tears you shed
On my behalf
Or told a joke
To make me laugh
For the hours you spent
In silent prayer
When I ignorantly thought
You didn't care
When my careless actions
Broke your heart
And you watched
My life fall apart
The day has come
That I can say
I understand
The price you paid
Now I have children
Of my own
And I spend hours
Before the throne
I am so grateful
For my parents love
That taught me about
My Father above
You showed me then
What to do now
Give it to God
Because I don't know how
To raise a family
On my own
To keep them safe
Until they are grown
I pray for them
As you did for me
In hopes that one day
They too will see
Mercy, kindness
Love and grace
Can all be seen
In the Father's face
I caused you to worry
I made you late
Because I wouldn't hurry
For the tears you shed
On my behalf
Or told a joke
To make me laugh
For the hours you spent
In silent prayer
When I ignorantly thought
You didn't care
When my careless actions
Broke your heart
And you watched
My life fall apart
The day has come
That I can say
I understand
The price you paid
Now I have children
Of my own
And I spend hours
Before the throne
I am so grateful
For my parents love
That taught me about
My Father above
You showed me then
What to do now
Give it to God
Because I don't know how
To raise a family
On my own
To keep them safe
Until they are grown
I pray for them
As you did for me
In hopes that one day
They too will see
Mercy, kindness
Love and grace
Can all be seen
In the Father's face
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Eclipsed Afflictions
God is moving in big ways in the England household these days. In the midst of what many would consider difficult times, we are seeing, as John Mark McMillan so eloquently phrased it, "afflictions eclipsed by glory". The Lord has answered prayers, given peace, bestowed wisdom, blessings and patience, and even revealed a new calling. In this season of our lives, things could very easily spiral out of control. Romans 12:12 says, "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer". Easier said than done, I do admit. I am not pretending life is a bed of roses right now, but God is in control and I am good with that!
So tell me, how is God moving in your life these days? I would love to hear about your "afflictions eclipsed by glory"!
So tell me, how is God moving in your life these days? I would love to hear about your "afflictions eclipsed by glory"!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Too Wonderful To Measure
As I look at the dry erase board it reads, " I HATE IT HERE!! I HATE YOU BOTH!!". With a knot in my stomach and a tear in my eye, I grab a marker and write on the board, "We love you!! <3", and leave the room. There is no way she understands how much her father and I love her. "To the moon and back" we used to say in the days when she fit on our laps and the hustle and bustle of four children weren't even on the horizon.
These days I struggle with emotions that range everywhere from sadness, guilt and heartache all the way to annoyance and even anger. Taking refuge in the knowledge that one day she will know without a doubt how much she is loved. When suddenly I wonder how often and for how long God has felt this way toward me? How many tears has He shed watching me make my mistakes? Asking and pleading, "if you would only listen and trust me...". The same "if" I beg of my own children. The very same we are all guilty of ignoring. I, too, and a 13 year old, wanting to do things MY way at times.
The bible says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." (I have to admit, the song the kids sing at church is running through my head right now.) Lean NOT on your own understanding. No second guessing, no doubting and no arguing! Just trust! That is what we would like OUR children to do, isn't it? If only we could submit so easily.
It would be easy if we had TOTAL confidence in the love of our God. But we are human. And just as my children cannot grasp the unconditional love their parents have for them, I cannot fully comprehend the all-encompassing love my Heavenly Father has for me. "I pray that you and all of God's people will understand what is called wide or long or high or deep. I want you to know all about Christ's love, although it is too wonderful to be measured..." Eph 3:18-19 Friends, this is my prayer for you as well.
These days I struggle with emotions that range everywhere from sadness, guilt and heartache all the way to annoyance and even anger. Taking refuge in the knowledge that one day she will know without a doubt how much she is loved. When suddenly I wonder how often and for how long God has felt this way toward me? How many tears has He shed watching me make my mistakes? Asking and pleading, "if you would only listen and trust me...". The same "if" I beg of my own children. The very same we are all guilty of ignoring. I, too, and a 13 year old, wanting to do things MY way at times.
The bible says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." (I have to admit, the song the kids sing at church is running through my head right now.) Lean NOT on your own understanding. No second guessing, no doubting and no arguing! Just trust! That is what we would like OUR children to do, isn't it? If only we could submit so easily.
It would be easy if we had TOTAL confidence in the love of our God. But we are human. And just as my children cannot grasp the unconditional love their parents have for them, I cannot fully comprehend the all-encompassing love my Heavenly Father has for me. "I pray that you and all of God's people will understand what is called wide or long or high or deep. I want you to know all about Christ's love, although it is too wonderful to be measured..." Eph 3:18-19 Friends, this is my prayer for you as well.
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