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This mom thing is so much more than I bargained for. As much as I try to do the right things for my kids, I know I fall short. I desperately long to be all they deserve to have in a mom. Still, I find myself discouraged, overwhelmed and angry that this is so hard. It is so, so hard!!! Organization and consistency are not my forte. I am being brutally honest here. Unfortunately, this has rubbed off on all 4 of my kids. They are suffering because of my shortcomings. So not fair!
Even so, in the midst of struggle, I know, just as I live and breathe, that this season will make all of us better people. My kids see that this is every bit as difficult for me as it is for them. And although this pales in comparison, Christ could have quit on us. Up on that cross, He could have stopped the plan of salvation, grace and mercy. But he did not. He endured all our pain and suffering.
In a way, I feel like I am carrying all of this sturggle that my family is going through. Not that they are not suffering too, but I feel all their pain as well. I could quit, and they would follow suit. But then nothing would change. In fact, things would most certainly get worse. By not quitting, like Christ, I am saying, "I am with you all the way, no matter what". You can say you quit, or that you hate me, or this is too hard or you can't do it. When the fact is those things are not true. I am here and I have got your back. Even when it feels like I am your worst enemy, the truth is I couldn't love you more.
And know this as well: I would not be capable of this love if Christ had not first love me. I would not know how to fight for you, if He had not fought for me. He loves you and fights for you, my sweet babies, and always will.
Father God,
I am your humble servant. Somehow You saw fit to entrust these four precious beings into my care. I can never be all they deserve, Father. So I am on my knees, seeking Your face. Please God, smooth over my rough exterior, reveal my tender heart and make whole this inadequate woman Baleigh, Dottie, Lee and Jodhi call Mom. Show them Your love, show them my love. And may they rest in knowing we will never give up on them.
In Jesus Name, Amen
