Too Wonderful To Measure

As I look at the dry erase board it reads, " I HATE IT HERE!! I HATE YOU BOTH!!".  With a knot in my stomach and a tear in my eye, I grab a marker and write on the board, "We love you!! <3", and leave the room.  There is no way she understands how much her father and I love her.  "To the moon and back" we used to say in the days when she fit on our laps and the hustle and bustle of four children weren't even on the horizon.

These days I struggle with emotions that range everywhere from sadness, guilt and heartache all the way to annoyance and even anger.  Taking refuge in the knowledge that one day she will know without a doubt how much she is loved.  When suddenly I wonder how often and for how long God has felt this way toward me?  How many tears has He shed watching me make my mistakes?  Asking and pleading, "if you would only listen and trust me...".  The same "if" I beg of my own children.  The very same we are all guilty of ignoring.  I, too, and a 13 year old, wanting to do things MY way at times.

The bible says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."  (I have to admit, the song the kids sing at church is running through my head right now.) Lean NOT on your own understanding.  No second guessing, no doubting and no arguing!  Just trust!  That is what we would like OUR children to do, isn't it?  If only we could submit so easily. 

It would be easy if we had TOTAL confidence in the love of our God.  But we are human.  And just as my children cannot grasp the unconditional love their parents have for them, I cannot fully comprehend the all-encompassing love my Heavenly Father has for me.  "I pray that you and all of God's people will understand what is called wide or long or high or deep.  I want you to know all about Christ's love, although it is too wonderful to be measured..." Eph 3:18-19  Friends, this is my prayer for you as well.